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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Enough

I've been procrastinating. The last time I posted was over 6 months ago. Not that I didn't want to, at least not really. Sure, I've been busy and life has been tough. Listening to my patients these last 6 months it's obvious it has been tough for a lot of people, not just me. I can honestly state there were days when I wasn't tired and I really didn't have anything else to do. I would think about blogging and then sort of do nothing...nothing.

Well, not really nothing. I would sort of think about what I would write, I'd come up with a phrase, then I would think that's dumb, then I would think of another phrase and then think that was dumb too. I would do this for hours, on and off...sometimes all day. I would get stuck. I would procrastinate.

Recently I read an article in Google news that indecision is a characteristic of intelligent people and ambivalence can generally be helpful. I instead believe that procrastination and associated
indecisiveness usually cause dysfunction that result in lost moments or opportunities.

Procrastination is a subconscious self defense mechanism that's supposed to minimize anxiety. For me the anxiety was trying to come up with perfect phrasing. This is irrational, there is no perfect phrase. I lost time, the most precious opportunity I have of here and now. Procrastination is a psychological abnormality probably resulting from dysfunction in the prefrontal cortex regions of the brain. We actually see this area light up on PET scans when people are having these same kind of circular thoughts. Although subconsciously I believed I was better off putting off my blogging, I instead got more anxious. This often translated into vague feelings of being less than or defective or a loser.

It's easy to see how these behaviors and thoughts can result in poor self esteem. Most if not all of us procrastinate, it's how the human brain is wired. It becomes important to realize that these unconscious blips usually diminish our ability to function. We need to improve our insight even if it's days, weeks or months later.

At least I was able to blog today. Later when I notice I'm procrastinating again, I'll be able to say enough already!